I don't even know what to title this...

Drawn by Andi Espinosa, (or others might know her as Countandra on Deviantart) my character Musca Domestica. Main character from a graphic novel I'm working on called Fly Girl. This was like a ten dollar commission, can you believe that?? I feel like I should have paid more... I always feel that way about the commissions I request though XD
I just absolutely loooove this drawing and I hope she doesn't get mad that I'm throwin' it up here. Not that she'd probably ever even find out. My blogs are a public secret after all XD
But anyway, it's absolutely gorgeous no? I just wanted to talk about it a little since I never really got the chance to show it off to anybody X3.
That and I wanna talk about her hair. I mean, goodness to gracious, I could go on about every thing in this forever and what not (Though Andi could have drawn her as a stick figure and I'd probably still love it.) But after looking it at it more carefully, her hair kinda sticks out in my field of vision.
Mostly because I can't really tell if she drew her with short hair, or if her hairs just tucked behind her wings. Either way it doesn't bother me or make me love it any less, I just don't know and that kind of pokes at me. But I got to thinking the other day since she's looks absolutely adorable in this pic, and her hair does look short, she might look good with short hair.
So I drew her in 20's clothes a couple times with that short-ish bob style and I really liked it : 3
I'm not changing her design, I've worked on her design for mooonths and I'm not changing it now on a whim, but I did decide there's going to be a part where her hair gets chopped off by Congrua so I'm in the process of drawing a second design page with her short hair. I'm sucha dork I swear.
Well back to work and such, I've got a GPA to pull outta the trash.

Annoyed.

Been drawing alot of Gams lately. She's the easiest to draw of the Abnormalities because of her body proportions. It's so hard for me to draw realistic proportions, which I try to do sometimes, but everything always comes out...off....But my art friends and online people are all like "it's just your style, madam."
But it's not whats in my head and that's whats the problem. Oh hell I'm happy with the paper results, but I'm never satisfied. Like a house wife or something. That's not a good analogy, I know.

I've got a shit ton of work to do and no will power to do it. I've literally given up on school but forcing myself to get through it because, A, if I don't I'm going to loose my scholarship/not graduate. And B my parents won't shut uppppp... Like really. My mother tried to bribe me with food yesterday.
I about told her to take it back because I'm not going to do tricks for treats like a dog or something and then she and my step-dad got into a fight because he didn't think it was fair that I was getting rewarded for turning my work in late while the other kids get grounded and she's just like 'well I don't know what else to do' blah blah blah...
And as far as I was concerned the whole situation was annoying as hell and resulted in me getting screamed at for the rest of the night. (sighs)
 Just gotta remind myself there'll be plenty of time to do nothing this summer. Work hard now, fool around later. Or become a hobo.
Well better get started on my homework... I'm tired as all hell get out.

The Radium

I used water color on this instead of markers and I was so completely proud of it. Of course then my ego tanked when I submitted it to Deviantart and it got like no response. Probably won't get any. This is what happens when I try. 

D-Ville Family 2

I don't know whether I want to make my little D-Ville family into just a cute pic based off my personal character analysis' or make a mini comic off it or write a fan fiction. I don't know. I think all of thee of abooove~ <3
XD
I'll make a poll.

A nightmare...

I had this really awful dream last night at like 4 in the morning...
I don't even really understand where it came from but it made me feel like a loser.
Like it was weird. My favorite artist drew my character Musca Domestica and then went on a rant about how awful she was as a character and how anything her creator probably makes is terrible... And then accused me of basing little Musca off one of her own characters. It nearly broke my heart.
 Like I woke up wondering if it was really a dream or something that actually happened while I was sleeping or if maybe it was a forewarning of some sort. I don't know. Maybe it's anxiety because I did commision her to draw Musca for me, by my Fly Girl is something I came up with a good 2 years ago after reading Salem Brownstone. Cause one of the villains was a fly man and I was like 'oh thats so cool, I'd kind of like to try that'. And I did... Then I abandoned her after drawing her like 3 times, then drew her for fun a few months ago and I really like her now...
Maybe its just cause I've been having problems motivating myself when it comes to drawing (or really anything) lately. I kind of feel useless all the time. But seriously, I feel that enough when I'm awake. Why in vivid dream mode too? Jeebs...

Fan art dribbling...

Started inking 'Lights' today.
Its a fan art pic of Campara von Pyre and Pendulum Tin from Decembersville, based off my favorite chapter.
I forget what number it is but it's the one when Campy finally realizes that the Sun Conjurer that she and her brothers  threw to the Chopping Place (a really horrible prison) awhile back and not before killing his whole family (I know for sure one of his sisters is alive, I don't know about the others) is Tin. Tin is practically one of the first people she's ever somewhat cared about probably ever. It's been a few months since I read the chapter so it's kind of fuzzy, don't hold me to that.
But pretty much, she gets thrown into this tornado of torn up feels. Like she can't understand why Tin was so nice to her after what her family did to him and she's extremely guilty because well... She loves Tin. I don't think it's officially in a 'Romantic' sense, cause for awhile I was pretty sure they were headin' down that road and then the creator said something on tumblr about how she doesn't understand why everyones just assuming they're together and while it makes me sulky, I like to stick with what's canon over my fan girlisms. But I want to think she does love him. If anything, as someone she very much so cares about.
It's just like this moment of clarity for her, where she suddenly realizes she has to take responsibility for her actions and inaction's of the past toward her town because they've resulted in many people getting hurt. People like Tin.
I hated seeing poor Campara get jostled around and put down by the Rebels cause she's my favorite character. And though she sorta deserved it, I still wanted to smack Wonka and the others upside the head for making her cry.
But she did deserve a wake up call. ....Still wanna smack Wonka. I think I'll draw it. Yep. I'm gonna draw it.

But 'Lights' was sort of my way of showing off Campara's torn feels toward Tin. I think it's looks awesome so far you know except for the face that Campy looks like a fucking princess.
(sobs) I didn't catch it until it was too late! I made her look like a princess! I hate it when I do stupid fuck ups like that...
Eh. Whatever. I'll probably finish that in a couple days though : )
Yay, first Decembersville rant on mah blog! There will probably be more...

The Abnormalities

From left to right: Chomps (Fortunato Ricci), Gams (Jacquelyn Doors), Peeps (Theodore Gats)

Soo these three have become my new favorites. They're fun. I haven't decided what I want to do with them, if I do anything. I pretty much modeled them after the words they're named after... Yup. I'm done.

Frustrations

So today's been like one of those in between ok and bad days. I don't really know what to think honestly. I'm frustrated by school, I'm just ready to get out of here. I found out the other day I have to take the AP Exam, which is like a $90 test that I don't even want to take.
And it's for literature. My teach gave me a practice packet to go through and I get credit for doing it instead of the quizes for a book we're reading in class right now but I swear these prompts are destroying my brain...
Ugh, I'm just super frustrated.

Still haven't heard anything back about my commision. I don't care how long she takes drawing it, I've never cared about that kind of thing. As long as I get it at some point I'm cool, but I'd like to at least know she got my information. Only reason I'm bugging about it is because until I know I've got everything with her sorted out, its going to be on my mind. It's like a little cherry on top of the calamity sundae that is my life right now. Artist block continues to plague me, still forcing myself to draw anyway.... I don't have time to take breaks.

Been listening to Nirvana, Nevermind, like insanely in my car these last few days and while I generally like every song on the album, my favorite has to be 'Something in the Way'.
I was in a  mood yesterday and just drove around town listening to it on repeat. We had our first official spring rain. It made everything smell really nice outside but it got super sticky and humid.
 My house was burning up. I feel like sucha baby cause it was only 80 degrees. I don't know what I'm going to do once summer hits...
I bought two baby cacti. Bubba and Gladys. They're adorable.
Something in the way time....

Great Gatsby movie 2013

So something I'm really looking forward to and really anxious about is the new Great Gatsby movie.
I've read the novel like five times and it's one of my favorites. The whole theme of the Roarin' 20's you know? Living the American Dream only to realize, yes, it's nothing but a dream.
I'm reallly excited and I feel kind like a dork because just looking at the pictures and trailers I already knew who every single character was....
But I'm also afraid I'm going to go see this movie and, like almost every other book I've read and then went go see the movie, its going to fuck it all up to hell. Well I've got my fingers crossed.

 

ARGH

I keep embarrassing myself when messaging people. Or at least  one person today. I bought a commission from my fav artist like 3 weeks ago (maybe longer) and she messaged me on saturday saying she still hadn't gotten my info for my commish.
I sent that shit four days after I paid her .____.
I wasn't mad or anything, I'm still not mad. I mean, I didn't really have a reason to be or anything. Since it was mostly my fault anyway. My computer and tumblr have been dukin' it out lately (messages don't like to send, sometimes my posts get all fucked to hell...) and I just assumed she got my info. I didn't want to send another message asking if she got it because I didn't want to bother her... (sighs) THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS.
But I was freaking out too...
I was so worried she'd be all like 'Dude. You've had forever, I'm not doing this shit anymore, you're out ten bucks.'
I was near tears sunday because I sent her the 3rd message asking if she'd gotten my reply and I was all antsy and panicky because...COME ON, you can't tell me you wouldn't freak the fuck out if you thought your favorite artist would become annoyed with you and black list you on DA/tumblr. .____. I reread that statement and I think I give myself too much credit but I'm always ready to expect the worst.
That and I was like sporadically apologizing in eveeery single on of my messages and when people do that to me I'm like 'Bro. Bro chill. You're fine' and it's this...whole awkward thing.
...
I think I need to take a break from the Internet for awhile.

Here We Go : )

Well damn, another blog.
I'm not going to introduce myself or anything, I've got a profile for that, and this is more so for notes or stupid stuff that just happens to be goin' on in me life.
But I have decided I'm going to make a blog for all my major projects right now. Because while I'm busy trying to piece together the atrocity that is Fly Girl, I have other things I also want to work on too. There are two others that I want to bring to light, Cirque Du Minuit and Radio Head.
Radio Head is defiantly not anything I plan on really working on though, because the storyline is shaky and aloooot of it has yet to be defined. I'm thinking of actually just polishing it down to the characters I like to draw and working with them. Meh, we'll see.
Cirque Du Minuit is actually what I'd like to be primarily working on right now instead of Fly Girl. I have that thing mapped out from beginning to end, I've just been sort of adding things in lately though. I need to practise some realism too so  I can draw my scenery. Loooots of scenery in that thing. I don't know how I'll survive it which is why I'm mainly focusing on Fly Girl...
Thought Fly Girl is hard too since all the beginning chapters involve me drawing crazy realistic insects...
But anywhoo~
I perfer blogger more than my Deviantart so I may just update here from now on. Yup, one update a day, everyday X3
Ok I'm done.