A nightmare...

I had this really awful dream last night at like 4 in the morning...
I don't even really understand where it came from but it made me feel like a loser.
Like it was weird. My favorite artist drew my character Musca Domestica and then went on a rant about how awful she was as a character and how anything her creator probably makes is terrible... And then accused me of basing little Musca off one of her own characters. It nearly broke my heart.
 Like I woke up wondering if it was really a dream or something that actually happened while I was sleeping or if maybe it was a forewarning of some sort. I don't know. Maybe it's anxiety because I did commision her to draw Musca for me, by my Fly Girl is something I came up with a good 2 years ago after reading Salem Brownstone. Cause one of the villains was a fly man and I was like 'oh thats so cool, I'd kind of like to try that'. And I did... Then I abandoned her after drawing her like 3 times, then drew her for fun a few months ago and I really like her now...
Maybe its just cause I've been having problems motivating myself when it comes to drawing (or really anything) lately. I kind of feel useless all the time. But seriously, I feel that enough when I'm awake. Why in vivid dream mode too? Jeebs...

Frustrations

So today's been like one of those in between ok and bad days. I don't really know what to think honestly. I'm frustrated by school, I'm just ready to get out of here. I found out the other day I have to take the AP Exam, which is like a $90 test that I don't even want to take.
And it's for literature. My teach gave me a practice packet to go through and I get credit for doing it instead of the quizes for a book we're reading in class right now but I swear these prompts are destroying my brain...
Ugh, I'm just super frustrated.

Still haven't heard anything back about my commision. I don't care how long she takes drawing it, I've never cared about that kind of thing. As long as I get it at some point I'm cool, but I'd like to at least know she got my information. Only reason I'm bugging about it is because until I know I've got everything with her sorted out, its going to be on my mind. It's like a little cherry on top of the calamity sundae that is my life right now. Artist block continues to plague me, still forcing myself to draw anyway.... I don't have time to take breaks.

Been listening to Nirvana, Nevermind, like insanely in my car these last few days and while I generally like every song on the album, my favorite has to be 'Something in the Way'.
I was in a  mood yesterday and just drove around town listening to it on repeat. We had our first official spring rain. It made everything smell really nice outside but it got super sticky and humid.
 My house was burning up. I feel like sucha baby cause it was only 80 degrees. I don't know what I'm going to do once summer hits...
I bought two baby cacti. Bubba and Gladys. They're adorable.
Something in the way time....

ARGH

I keep embarrassing myself when messaging people. Or at least  one person today. I bought a commission from my fav artist like 3 weeks ago (maybe longer) and she messaged me on saturday saying she still hadn't gotten my info for my commish.
I sent that shit four days after I paid her .____.
I wasn't mad or anything, I'm still not mad. I mean, I didn't really have a reason to be or anything. Since it was mostly my fault anyway. My computer and tumblr have been dukin' it out lately (messages don't like to send, sometimes my posts get all fucked to hell...) and I just assumed she got my info. I didn't want to send another message asking if she got it because I didn't want to bother her... (sighs) THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS.
But I was freaking out too...
I was so worried she'd be all like 'Dude. You've had forever, I'm not doing this shit anymore, you're out ten bucks.'
I was near tears sunday because I sent her the 3rd message asking if she'd gotten my reply and I was all antsy and panicky because...COME ON, you can't tell me you wouldn't freak the fuck out if you thought your favorite artist would become annoyed with you and black list you on DA/tumblr. .____. I reread that statement and I think I give myself too much credit but I'm always ready to expect the worst.
That and I was like sporadically apologizing in eveeery single on of my messages and when people do that to me I'm like 'Bro. Bro chill. You're fine' and it's this...whole awkward thing.
...
I think I need to take a break from the Internet for awhile.

Here We Go : )

Well damn, another blog.
I'm not going to introduce myself or anything, I've got a profile for that, and this is more so for notes or stupid stuff that just happens to be goin' on in me life.
But I have decided I'm going to make a blog for all my major projects right now. Because while I'm busy trying to piece together the atrocity that is Fly Girl, I have other things I also want to work on too. There are two others that I want to bring to light, Cirque Du Minuit and Radio Head.
Radio Head is defiantly not anything I plan on really working on though, because the storyline is shaky and aloooot of it has yet to be defined. I'm thinking of actually just polishing it down to the characters I like to draw and working with them. Meh, we'll see.
Cirque Du Minuit is actually what I'd like to be primarily working on right now instead of Fly Girl. I have that thing mapped out from beginning to end, I've just been sort of adding things in lately though. I need to practise some realism too so  I can draw my scenery. Loooots of scenery in that thing. I don't know how I'll survive it which is why I'm mainly focusing on Fly Girl...
Thought Fly Girl is hard too since all the beginning chapters involve me drawing crazy realistic insects...
But anywhoo~
I perfer blogger more than my Deviantart so I may just update here from now on. Yup, one update a day, everyday X3
Ok I'm done.