Interesting Weekend

Had an interesting weekend...
So my mother pulled me aside last weekend and told me we suddenly had enough money to pay for housing for me once I go to college (as long as it was under around $400 a month) and I was like cool. But I had my doubts. Usually when these things are said to me they're followed up with a 'oh Cora we can't do that anymore'. So surely enough a few days later I was told just that. They don't actually have the money, something came up, I'm on my own again.
I don't really care about that either. I never asked them or anyone else to help me out with college. And if it just so happened they could, that's fantastic! But, to put it frankly, my familys pretty damn poor. We're not like dirt poor like we used to be where a trip to Mickey D's was like a five star restaurant big deal, but we're in a huge amount of debt. So I never expected anyone to be able to help me.
It's just that whole building up my hopes only to shoot them back down. Thats what I hate. And all my parents do it. My dad and his wife especially. They love to promise me shit only to go back on their word. They always have the best intentions, I know, but I'm so tired of it. Why can't everyone just admit we're shit broke and tell me I'm on my own already? Why do they have to insistently let their guilt towards me get in the way of our reality.
I don't ask for much, if anything, but they act like I'm making them pocket the stars and moon... I'm just tired of it.
I got to have a groggy late night conversation with an artist I really respect on saturday/sunday. Sometimes when your all wrapped up in how amazing the artist is, you tend to forget, in the end, they're just a person like yourself XD I only say that because she seriously acts just like how my best friend used to so it was like crazy deja vu all night long. She's a cool chick.

I've been sort of thinking about all sorts of things lately too. I think maybe the reason I don't really have alot of friends is because people expect me to be this certain type of person when they first meet me then as they get to know me, they realize I'm just an average dork and it disappoints them. And so they sort of drift away from me. I kind of hope that isn't true but the evidence is hard to look away from.
(sighs) Well I'm done spewing nonsense for the day...

D-Ville Family 2

I don't know whether I want to make my little D-Ville family into just a cute pic based off my personal character analysis' or make a mini comic off it or write a fan fiction. I don't know. I think all of thee of abooove~ <3
XD
I'll make a poll.

D-Ville Family

I drew most of the main Decembersville characters as a giant family. Labeled their roles and everything. I feel achieved for the day. When I have time, I'll scan it and put it in this post...
For now...
Tiny Post!!!

Abnormalities Talk

So I've been distracting from seriously working Fly Girl by some random oc's I came up with the other day, The Abnormalities. Especially today since I made two new kiddo's to join in their very loosely put together world.
I don't even know what I'm going for with them, it's like...Ugh.
But the newbys are Olivia Todd and Simon Von Mitternacht who are a ghastly pair. Simon being a horrible creature thing and Olivia a teen murderess and all.
Though, and this is weird for me, they're antagonists to The Abnormalities...
I guess I should explain a little about it. The story follows three freaks of the earth and their misadventures. Chomps, Peeps, and Gams.
Chomps is a 23 year old former con artist whose got an eccentric personality and a crazy amount of large sharp jagged teeth. Peeps is a 16 year old misfit with a grotesquely huge right eye. He was orphaned at a young age ( he refuses to go into detail about when and what happened)  and has been his towns cast off ever since. Gams is a 19 year old runaway who can't stand her home town on account that everyone makes fun of her because she's 7 and half feet tall and could out do even the most nimble acrobat.
They all get together some way or another and Chomps is their unofficial leader. He's decided that they're going to gather creeps and weirdos from all over and make their very own Freak Show because as far as he's concerned if they're going to be judged and persecuted for being 'abnormal' they might as well make some cash while they're at it.

At some point in their journey for more troupe members, they meet Olivia who has just had a sticky fight with her dearest friend, Simon, and left his care. Olivia is fascinated by the trios life style and wants to join the ranks of their freak show but is denied by Chomps who believes she is much too normal looking to be among the strange.
Unfortunately for the three, Olivia is a quite brutal murderess with a bad temper. She feels Chomps has insulted her extremely and attacks him viciously. Peeps and Gams effectively save their friend in the end and the trio escape Olivia and her demented little town; Leaving the teen to sulk and fester in anger that she was not only 'insulted' but denied her kill. She runs home to her friend Simon (who had been watching her in secret the whole time) and tells him about how poorly she was mistreated by people that should of understood her best. The two then decide to make their new game finding and killing The Abnormalities.

. 3 . I believe this is the first time I've made antagonists and decided straight out that's what they were going to be. Because mostly its just that they were side characters that I eventually made villains. But this pair are goodness to gracious straight out bad guys that I never had any intention making good. They're, like the other three, alot of fun.
I have to do something with this now because it's just so fun.                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                                    

A nightmare...

I had this really awful dream last night at like 4 in the morning...
I don't even really understand where it came from but it made me feel like a loser.
Like it was weird. My favorite artist drew my character Musca Domestica and then went on a rant about how awful she was as a character and how anything her creator probably makes is terrible... And then accused me of basing little Musca off one of her own characters. It nearly broke my heart.
 Like I woke up wondering if it was really a dream or something that actually happened while I was sleeping or if maybe it was a forewarning of some sort. I don't know. Maybe it's anxiety because I did commision her to draw Musca for me, by my Fly Girl is something I came up with a good 2 years ago after reading Salem Brownstone. Cause one of the villains was a fly man and I was like 'oh thats so cool, I'd kind of like to try that'. And I did... Then I abandoned her after drawing her like 3 times, then drew her for fun a few months ago and I really like her now...
Maybe its just cause I've been having problems motivating myself when it comes to drawing (or really anything) lately. I kind of feel useless all the time. But seriously, I feel that enough when I'm awake. Why in vivid dream mode too? Jeebs...

Fan art dribbling...

Started inking 'Lights' today.
Its a fan art pic of Campara von Pyre and Pendulum Tin from Decembersville, based off my favorite chapter.
I forget what number it is but it's the one when Campy finally realizes that the Sun Conjurer that she and her brothers  threw to the Chopping Place (a really horrible prison) awhile back and not before killing his whole family (I know for sure one of his sisters is alive, I don't know about the others) is Tin. Tin is practically one of the first people she's ever somewhat cared about probably ever. It's been a few months since I read the chapter so it's kind of fuzzy, don't hold me to that.
But pretty much, she gets thrown into this tornado of torn up feels. Like she can't understand why Tin was so nice to her after what her family did to him and she's extremely guilty because well... She loves Tin. I don't think it's officially in a 'Romantic' sense, cause for awhile I was pretty sure they were headin' down that road and then the creator said something on tumblr about how she doesn't understand why everyones just assuming they're together and while it makes me sulky, I like to stick with what's canon over my fan girlisms. But I want to think she does love him. If anything, as someone she very much so cares about.
It's just like this moment of clarity for her, where she suddenly realizes she has to take responsibility for her actions and inaction's of the past toward her town because they've resulted in many people getting hurt. People like Tin.
I hated seeing poor Campara get jostled around and put down by the Rebels cause she's my favorite character. And though she sorta deserved it, I still wanted to smack Wonka and the others upside the head for making her cry.
But she did deserve a wake up call. ....Still wanna smack Wonka. I think I'll draw it. Yep. I'm gonna draw it.

But 'Lights' was sort of my way of showing off Campara's torn feels toward Tin. I think it's looks awesome so far you know except for the face that Campy looks like a fucking princess.
(sobs) I didn't catch it until it was too late! I made her look like a princess! I hate it when I do stupid fuck ups like that...
Eh. Whatever. I'll probably finish that in a couple days though : )
Yay, first Decembersville rant on mah blog! There will probably be more...

Miss Cupid Returns

Miss Cupid, a reeeeeally old oc. I'm thinking I'll put this on Deviantart later but at the same time I'm reluctant to because it's been awhile since I've done anything...Horror. And MC is one scary bitch. But I think I will anyway, since alot of people are being blinded by the cute fluff I keep submitting.

The Abnormalities

From left to right: Chomps (Fortunato Ricci), Gams (Jacquelyn Doors), Peeps (Theodore Gats)

Soo these three have become my new favorites. They're fun. I haven't decided what I want to do with them, if I do anything. I pretty much modeled them after the words they're named after... Yup. I'm done.

Frustrations

So today's been like one of those in between ok and bad days. I don't really know what to think honestly. I'm frustrated by school, I'm just ready to get out of here. I found out the other day I have to take the AP Exam, which is like a $90 test that I don't even want to take.
And it's for literature. My teach gave me a practice packet to go through and I get credit for doing it instead of the quizes for a book we're reading in class right now but I swear these prompts are destroying my brain...
Ugh, I'm just super frustrated.

Still haven't heard anything back about my commision. I don't care how long she takes drawing it, I've never cared about that kind of thing. As long as I get it at some point I'm cool, but I'd like to at least know she got my information. Only reason I'm bugging about it is because until I know I've got everything with her sorted out, its going to be on my mind. It's like a little cherry on top of the calamity sundae that is my life right now. Artist block continues to plague me, still forcing myself to draw anyway.... I don't have time to take breaks.

Been listening to Nirvana, Nevermind, like insanely in my car these last few days and while I generally like every song on the album, my favorite has to be 'Something in the Way'.
I was in a  mood yesterday and just drove around town listening to it on repeat. We had our first official spring rain. It made everything smell really nice outside but it got super sticky and humid.
 My house was burning up. I feel like sucha baby cause it was only 80 degrees. I don't know what I'm going to do once summer hits...
I bought two baby cacti. Bubba and Gladys. They're adorable.
Something in the way time....

Great Gatsby movie 2013

So something I'm really looking forward to and really anxious about is the new Great Gatsby movie.
I've read the novel like five times and it's one of my favorites. The whole theme of the Roarin' 20's you know? Living the American Dream only to realize, yes, it's nothing but a dream.
I'm reallly excited and I feel kind like a dork because just looking at the pictures and trailers I already knew who every single character was....
But I'm also afraid I'm going to go see this movie and, like almost every other book I've read and then went go see the movie, its going to fuck it all up to hell. Well I've got my fingers crossed.

 

ARGH

I keep embarrassing myself when messaging people. Or at least  one person today. I bought a commission from my fav artist like 3 weeks ago (maybe longer) and she messaged me on saturday saying she still hadn't gotten my info for my commish.
I sent that shit four days after I paid her .____.
I wasn't mad or anything, I'm still not mad. I mean, I didn't really have a reason to be or anything. Since it was mostly my fault anyway. My computer and tumblr have been dukin' it out lately (messages don't like to send, sometimes my posts get all fucked to hell...) and I just assumed she got my info. I didn't want to send another message asking if she got it because I didn't want to bother her... (sighs) THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN I'M CONSIDERATE OF OTHERS.
But I was freaking out too...
I was so worried she'd be all like 'Dude. You've had forever, I'm not doing this shit anymore, you're out ten bucks.'
I was near tears sunday because I sent her the 3rd message asking if she'd gotten my reply and I was all antsy and panicky because...COME ON, you can't tell me you wouldn't freak the fuck out if you thought your favorite artist would become annoyed with you and black list you on DA/tumblr. .____. I reread that statement and I think I give myself too much credit but I'm always ready to expect the worst.
That and I was like sporadically apologizing in eveeery single on of my messages and when people do that to me I'm like 'Bro. Bro chill. You're fine' and it's this...whole awkward thing.
...
I think I need to take a break from the Internet for awhile.

Here We Go : )

Well damn, another blog.
I'm not going to introduce myself or anything, I've got a profile for that, and this is more so for notes or stupid stuff that just happens to be goin' on in me life.
But I have decided I'm going to make a blog for all my major projects right now. Because while I'm busy trying to piece together the atrocity that is Fly Girl, I have other things I also want to work on too. There are two others that I want to bring to light, Cirque Du Minuit and Radio Head.
Radio Head is defiantly not anything I plan on really working on though, because the storyline is shaky and aloooot of it has yet to be defined. I'm thinking of actually just polishing it down to the characters I like to draw and working with them. Meh, we'll see.
Cirque Du Minuit is actually what I'd like to be primarily working on right now instead of Fly Girl. I have that thing mapped out from beginning to end, I've just been sort of adding things in lately though. I need to practise some realism too so  I can draw my scenery. Loooots of scenery in that thing. I don't know how I'll survive it which is why I'm mainly focusing on Fly Girl...
Thought Fly Girl is hard too since all the beginning chapters involve me drawing crazy realistic insects...
But anywhoo~
I perfer blogger more than my Deviantart so I may just update here from now on. Yup, one update a day, everyday X3
Ok I'm done.